I am confused. My heart is full of joy and full of sorrow. I feel the entanglement of my sin running through me like a fast-growing vine, yet I feel the refreshing cleansing of the blood of Your Son running over my soul, reminding me that I am forgiven. I sense your presence, but I feel alone in this world. There is an emptiness to this vast universe that makes me long for something better—far better—a world without death and sorrow—a world that is not tainted with sin, despair, and grief.
It is as if I am living in two worlds simultaneously. I am grieving the loss of my friend, the grand champion of the preached Word, Voddie Baucham, yet I rejoice that He is now resting from his labors. I am saddened—even confused. I don’t ask why, for I know you are good and wise. But I do ask why because I don’t yet understand! I know your plan will unfold gloriously, so I eagerly wait. Though there may not be a sting in death for those who die in the Lord, there remains a sting for us who feel the void of the loss of a friend.
I am deeply grateful for all the blessings that encircle me in great abundance. I must be one of the most blessed people in all the world. I have a wonderful wife, family, and friends. I love my church family. But something is still not right with it all. Something is not right with the world in which I am placed. With my ears, I hear the birds that sing your praises, which remind me that your creation is good and enjoyable. Yet, with my eyes, I see the effects of sin bringing all things into the bondage of decay and death. Death is ever-present in this world, and no revival will ever totally remove it until the great revival of the glorious and precious return of Your Son.
I pray all this while beholding the wondrous beauty of Hawaii. I am feeling the cool sea breeze all around me. If there were a paradise on earth, this is undoubtedly it. Yet, I sense something is still missing. Even here, something is not right! I know I am about to travel home, but I don’t long to stay here. I am ready to go! I don’t want to be away from the ones I love. I see the glory and majesty of your beautiful creation, but the glory is yet veiled. If this is a taste of heaven, I would gladly take flight for the world that surpasses my imagination. The older I become, the more I sense this world is not my home. As I consider why I am so sad, despite being surrounded by the beauty of your love, I conclude that it is because I long to be where Voddie is—with You! Dear Lord, come quickly!
